6 principles of tolerance – 2016

First of all, I wish all of you a happy, healthy, and successful New Year, 2016. During the last few months, I have been seeing two words repeatedly occurring in the newspapers. And those two words are, tolerance and intolerance. Of course, I do not want to use this forum for entering into a political debate. That is not my intention. But, reading these two words constantly and dwelling on these words, influenced the choice of my New Year talk.  

Tolerance is a very, very important virtue, which is universally required. But, unfortunately, not understood; or often, a misunderstood value. Our scriptures always emphasise the value of tolerance. The words the scriptures use for tolerance are - titikṣā, is one word, which we learnt in the primary book itself, tattvabodha. And in the Bhagavad Gĩtā, the word kṣāntiḥ is used.  

And even though tolerance is one single value, it has got several aspects and several shades of meaning, depending on the context, and also the angle from which we look at this important value. So, I thought, I will collect those different aspects of this word - this value 'tolerance' - and present in the form of a bouquet of six principles of tolerance.

In the Bhagavad Gĩtā in the second chapter, Lord kṛṣṇā emphasises the necessity of the value of tolerance for every single person. There is no option or choice. And kṛṣṇā gives the reason for that. A very significant verse in the gĩtā, second chapter. mātrāsparśāstu kaunteya śītoṣṇa sukha duḥkhadāḥ I āgamāpāyino'nityās tāṃstitikṣasva bhārata II [2.14] "Arjunā, life is continuous confrontation of the experience of pairs of opposites. śīta - uṣṇa, sukha - duḥkha, lābha - alābha, māna - apamāna. I hope these Sanskrit words you can understand. Honour-dishonour, loss-gain, birth-death, growth-decay, saṃyoga-viyoga - continuous pairs of opposites! And because of that, life is a rugged journey, full of ups & downs. Like, many of our roads! Everybody faces these ups & downs. Therefore, life's journey is a rugged journey. And many people know this very well after the recent Chennai floods! However much prepared we are. Or, unprepared we are?! Face unpredictable ups & downs. And often, uncontrollable ups & downs. Therefore, the vehicle in which we are traveling, should be equipped with shock absorbers. Every single human being must be equipped with an appropriate shock absorber, by which, we can withstand the ups & downs, survive the ups & downs and bounce back from the ups & downs and move on! This shock absorber - this psychological shock observer - is, the value of tolerance. Tolerance alone can make us tough. Tolerance alone can make us resilient. As the English proverb goes, 'when the going gets tough, the tough get going!' Be a rubber ball, not a clay ball! One Sanskrit ślokā says, be a rubber ball, which will bounce back when you throw it down. Do not be a wet clay ball, which once it falls, stays there! That is why in Purāṇic stories, even avatārās go through ups & downs. Rāmā is promised the emperorhood one day; and within a few days, he has to go to the forest! Therefore, kṛṣṇā says - yaṃ hi na vyathayantyete puruṣaṃ puruṣarṣabha I samaduḥkhasukhaṃ dhīraṃ saḥ amṛtatvāya kalpate II [2-15] - the one who is not shaken by the ups & downs, the one who survives and moves on, he is a dhīraḥ, a resilient person.

Then, the question is, 'what are the six principle of this tolerance?' The first principle is, the principle of non-empowerment. I said Bhagavān has created this world with full of pairs of opposites. Bhagavān cannot help it; because, according to the law of karmā, according to the law of puṇyam and pāpam, the world should have the pairs of opposites. These pairs of opposites therefore we call as ĩśvara sṛṣṭi, Bhagavān's creation. But, the problem we have is, we also create a pair of opposites, which is a subjective creation; called, jĩva sṛṣṭi. This pair of opposite is two types of stickers or labels that we manufacture. And they are, 'unwelcome' and 'welcome'. Whenever experiences come to us, we either use the label 'welcome'; and some of them, we label as 'unwelcome'. This labelling of the situation, labelling of the CREATION, as welcome and unwelcome, is the biggest problem. Because, once you put the sticker, I am empowering the world to hurt me; as anything that comes to me with the unwelcome label, will hurt me. And therefore, the first principle of tolerance is, never label any situation. Learn to go through all the experiences, without labelling it; especially as unwelcome. This empowering makes the world, gives the world, the power to hurt! And I become weakened. The world becomes stronger. Therefore, kṛṣṇā says - sukha duḥkhe same kṛtvā lābhālābhau jayājayau I tato yuddhāya yujyasva naivaṃ pāpam avāpsyasi II 2-38 - let all these pairs of opposite continuously come. But, you don't differentiate them, by labelling them as welcome and unwelcome. "Oh lord, I have only one power. Whatever experience I have to go through - according to the law of karmā - let all those experiences happen. I am willing to go through them, without sticking the unwelcome sticker!" If at all you want, you are particular about stickers, if you are very particular, a sticker-friendly person, for every experience put only one sticker - "Welcome". Because, it is happening by the WILL of lord, according to the law of karmā, called law of moral justice. Therefore, āgate svagatham kuryāt, gacchantam na nivārayet. Whatever comes, welcome it. Dayānanda Swāmĩjĩ says, like the person in front of the marriage hall! In wedding hall entrance, there will be a few people. In a plate they will have sugar candies, candana, flowers etc and there will be one panneer container. Whoever comes, there is a steady smile, and greeting of “welcome, welcome”. You don't personally judge them! So too, in life, be ready with this panneer bottle. Every experience, āgate svagatham kuryāt, gacchantam na nivārayet, yathā prāptam sahed sarvam tattako suddhamottamam - whatever comes according to the law, go through that experience. tattako suddhamottamam - that is the greatest tapas. This is the first principle of tolerance and the greatest tapas. When you resist, you suffer emotionally. So welcome situations; which includes people. Very, very difficult. This is principle one.

Now, I will go to second one. I am regularly quoting gĩtā ślokās to show that it is a book of practical wisdom. It is not mere mokṣā for sanyāsis. The second principle of tolerance is, empowering ourselves, strengthening ourselves, to withstand, survive and move on. The first one is dis-empowering the world, by removing the unwelcome sticker. Dis-empower. I don't see the word in the dictionary. it is my English. The second is, empower yourself. How to do that? Again, scriptures point out that, Bhagavān creates the world, which is full of opposites; and therefore, ups & downs. And problems and even calamities He has to create. Every time a big calamity happens, people raise a question, "why did Bhagavān do that?" But, whenever any calamity comes, "why should the omniscient, omnipotent, all-compassionate Bhagavān create that?" Bhagavān has to do that; because, CREATION is not dependent on Bhagavān's WILL. It is dependent on the law of moral justice, law of karmā. And since puṇyam and pāpam are there, CREATION will be a mixed bag only! But, even though Bhagavān creates the world with opposites, Bhagavān - out of compassion - has also created sufficient resources within us, so that we can be tough enough by drawing from the inner resources. We can become tough enough to withstand, survive and move on. Opposites are there; but, handling resources are also there! And the resources are created within our self. In fact, Bhagavān has not created the resources; Bhagavān himself resides with all these resources, keeping them ready, for any one, whoever is willing to tap and make use of.  But, we have to tap! Like solar energy you have to tap with proper panels, similarly, we have to tap. Tapping the inner resources and strengthening ourselves is the second principle of tolerance. So that, I can say, ‘whatever happens let it happen let anything happen according to the law of karmā. I am confident that I can withstand, survive and move on'. Therefore, kṛṣṇā says - uddharedātmanātmānaṃ nātmānamavasādayet I ātmaiva hyātmano bandhurātmaiva ripurātmanaḥ II 6-5 - never degrade yourself by repeatedly asking questions, 'how will I handle?’ ''how will I handle?' Never be diffident. Build up your faith in yourself, which is based on faith in GOD, who is residing within yourself, with infinite resources, called strength. Bhagavān is omnipotent and He can supply any amount, without reservation. Therefore, kṛṣṇā says - īśvaraḥ sarvabhūtānāṃ hṛddeśe'rjuna tiṣṭhati I bhrāmayansarvabhūtāni yantrārūḍhāni māyayā II 18-61 tameva śaraṇaṃ gaccha sarvabhāvena bhārata I tatprasādātparāṃ śāntiṃ sthānaṃ prāpsyasi śāśvatam II 18-62 - 'Arjunā, the lord of full resources, is not staying or residing externally, outside. The lord, with infinite resources, is within yourself, ever reliable'. Therefore, learn to rely on inner resource, rather than, the external resources & people. You might depend on bank; but, bank itself might submerge under water. You might rely upon your relatives; but, they are scattered all over the world. Even phone connection you don't get. You are stranded in the flood. Many students had such experiences. But, they gave me a very good news. "Swāmĩjĩ, your teaching was useful". They were stranded and got food from helicopter. They said, "we could withstand, survive and move on!" Therefore, when all other external resources become inaccessible, the only accessible resource is here. And this is called, self-strengthening. Mukunda mālā bhakti is, the skill of tapping the resources from the lord, like charging your cell phone. Plug your mind into the infinite resource, called Bhagavān, and recharge. Therefore, what is the 2nd principle of tolerance? Empower yourself. Dis-empower the world. (Don't reverse it! Empower the world and dis-empower yourself!) 

Then, the third principle of tolerance is non-magnification. Whenever there is an unwelcome situation and we keep the unwelcome tag also and those situations will occupy the mind most of the time. Therefore, our tendency is, to dwell on that unwelcome situation. Even when you choose to go to satsańga [it can happen in a lecture also!] you will be physically there; but, the mind might be worrying about some unwelcome situation, that happened yesterday, day before or this morning. Once I dwell upon an unwelcome situation, it gets more and more magnified; because, we are highly creative in this imagining and exaggerating our problems. Once they get magnified, they manufacture varieties of harmful emotions, which are harmful to me physically; harmful to me emotionally; harmfully to me intellectually, spiritually - in all respects. Already the situation is challenging; and, I am worsening that by generating all kinds of weakening and harmful emotions! The primary emotions are worry, anxiety and fear. Worry, anxiety and fear - indicate the absence of the value of 'tolerance'. If we have to avoid them, the only way is, refuse to dwell upon the unwelcome problem. Refuse to dwell upon and magnify. You can instead dwell upon the solutions; at least, you will get some solution; but, instead of dwelling upon the solution, we repeat the problem! Even when others are attempting to talk about some solution, we will not allow them to talk; but, will keep on talking about the problem! The only method to neutralise the anxiety, worry and fear is, go back to the first two principles of tolerance. Dwell more upon the first two principles. First one is, nothing is unwelcome; whatever needs to come let it come; and the second, very important. What? I have the resources to handle. So, dwell upon the first two principles. Never magnify the unwelcome situation. This is the third principle. Avoid blaming anyone for your problems. As somebody nicely said, 'to err is, human; and to blame it on others is, more human!' And once we blame someone, then, anger towards that person, hatred towards the person and vengefulness, the idea of tit for tat, retaliation etc - all these dangerous emotions will come. Hatred is the worst and the most dangerous emotion; because, it primarily hurts the hating person; more than the hated one! In fact, the first message that kṛṣṇā gives for spiritual life is, adveṣṭā sarva bhũtānām. Never, never hate anyone. The world is the divine manifestation of the lord. The world, or anything in the word, does not deserve hatred. How to develop that attitude? Very, very difficult. You will say, "Swāmĩjĩ, you can talk from there. Come to my house or my workplace you will know what it is! You will talk and go away, you are a sanyāsi!"For avoiding hatred, the scriptures give a particular method. World never gives me problems. Whatever experience that I go through is Bhagavān delivering the karma phalam of my own karmā, using the world as a medium. The world does not give me the experience. my karmā gives the experience. Therefore, blaming the world is like, shooting the messenger. There is a beautiful ślokā - yasmāt ca yena ca yathā ca yadā ca yat ca yāvat ca yatra ca subhāsubham ātma karmā I tasmāt ca tena ca tathā ca tadā ca tat ca tāvat ca tatra ca vidhātṛ vaśād upaiti II Whatever karmā we do, whenever, wherever, due to whatever reason, with whatever instrument, in whatever manner, in whatever intensity. yasmāt, yena, yathā, yadā, yat, yāvat, yatra - whatever, wherever, whenever, however much, in whatever manner - all you can add. All those karmās will come back to us. tasmāt, tena, tathā, tadā, tat, tāvat, tatra vidhātṛ vaśād upaiti - my own karmās comes back to me, reshaped as karma phalam, according to the law of karmā. And shaped by whom? Bhagavān. From address is not the post-man! From address is, someone whom you don't see. Thus, Bhagavān alone gives our karma phalam. The more I think of that, I realise, nobody deserves hatred. That does not mean, we should not take appropriate measures, steps and actions. Whatever appropriate steps we have to take, we can certainly take; but, without the contamination of hatred and vengefulness. Take any action; including inaction but without these two powerful contaminants - hatred and vengefulness. As Sańkarācāryā says in vivekacūḍāmaṇi - sahanaṃ sarvaduḥkhānām apratīkārapūrvakam I cintāvilāparahitaṃ sā titikṣā nigadyate II 24 Go through all the experiences without dwelling upon them. cintā - all the time thinking of them; or, vilāpa - whoever comes, this is the only talk. So, what is the third principle? Non-magnification - avoidance of dwelling upon the unwelcome situation.

These three principles of tolerance are to be practised by the experiencer individual. In vedāntā we call bhoktā, the one who experiences. And whenever we experience such situations, we do want to take immediate measures and handle the situation - remedy, contain etc. And when we want to do some action - the bhoktā becomes a kartā. Then, we have got the following three principles to be observed. The kartā - the one wants to take the remedial measures, has to observe. The first three stated above are for the bhoktā so there is tolerance at the bhoktā level and tolerance at the kartā level.

The first message that kṛṣṇā gives a kartā - a doer - must have self-restraint. Most important principle of tolerance is self-restraint. By which, we mean, avoidance of all impulsive responses. kṛṣṇā uses the word, ātma vinigraḥ. Self- control, self-restraint. At the word level; and at the action level, also. Because, when we have impulsive responses we don't have control over what we are doing. There is no quality control. We cannot even think of the short-term consequences, what will be the long-term consequences; at the individual level, at the family level, at the professional level etc. Because something happened, we flare up. Flaring up people cannot do quality control. It is extremely dangerous. It acts against the one who flares. It is like directly drinking the tap water; especially, after the floods! You don't know what all germs are there; bacteria are there. Therefore, never drink the tap water. That was the message everywhere. What do you do? You pass it through a filter. However thirsty you might be, you pass it through a filter. So whenever the experiencer when he/she is under emotional stress, they should use a filter, called the thinker. In Sanskrit, we call it mantā. mantā means, a thinker of pros & cons. The bhoktā must give the message to the mantā which should filter the message that is coming. And, after deliberation and proper study, of what is dharmā, what is adharmā, thereafter alone, action must be taken. It must be a mindful & thoughtful action, coming from the kartā. The moment the mantā is by-passed, it becomes dangerous. That is why we often regret later. Families have broken because of such unrestrained actions & words.

The fourth principle - or, the first principle from kartā angle - is what? Self-restraint. Avoidance of impulsive response. Then, the second principle is, objectivity, fairness. Never judge a person in a hurry. When we are going through difficult and painful situations, our tendency is, to take steps in a hurry. And therefore, we tend to blame others, without proper enquiry. Without complete data. Without even allowing the other person to talk. Nobody is allowed to explain. We unilaterally think; we unilaterally decide, without enough enquiry. We blame a person; and, decide the quota of punishment also! This is the most dangerous prejudiced approach. Prejudice is nothing but pre-judgement, without complete data and say ‘he is not worth listening to'. Dismissing all others - based on prejudice - when we take an action, that will become adharmā. And we get more burden of pāpam. In the name of remedial measure, we only increase our burden of pāpam. Therefore, we should remember, 'nobody should become a victim of my prejudice; just as, I don't want to become the victim of others' prejudice'. How often we complain?! 'They did not ask us, whether it is convenient to me, they took decision'. In many houses, the so called head of the family decides everything, based on his own conclusions, without even enquiring whether it is convenient to others or not. Autocratic approach. It is all pāpam. We can never afford to do that. Especially when my action affects the family; affects the neighbourhood; affects the society, we should be very careful to avoid prejudice-based decisions. Therefore, kṛṣṇā says - ātmaupamyena sarvatra samaṃ paśyati yo'rjuna I sukhaṃ vā yadi vā duḥkhaṃ sa yogī paramo mataḥ II 6-32 - before doing any action that will affect the others, stand in the position of the other people also. Be considerate to others and consider the feeling of others, by standing in their position. Then you will find that you will avoid prejudice-based adharmā. And therefore, the fifth principle of tolerance is, objectivity or fairness, avoiding judgement or prejudice-based action, without enquiry; with incomplete data.

Then comes the last principle, which is also extremely important. Whenever we are going through difficult situations, unwelcome situations, keeping that label, we will think of immediately finding a remedy; two types of options will present themselves. One option will be aggressive option. Violent options will present in front of us. A Tamil proverb. 'Cut off the head for headache!' Thus, aggressive measures present in front. And also, peaceful measures. But, when we are in pain, you know what type of remedies will appeal? You know, when we are in pain, we will tend to give pain to others. Therefore, aggressive measure will be appealing. Not only that. They all will bring in quick results. Therefore scriptures say - when aggressive and peaceful measures present themselves, tolerance is, always postpone aggressive measures. Always postpone. And first give a chance to peaceful measures; because, aggressive measures may work immediately; but, they are like powerful prescription drugs. Often the side effects are worse than the original problem which I wanted to solve. Therefore, in all aggressive measures, we are often going to replace smaller problems with greater problems; because, aggression will easily escalate by counter aggression and counter counter aggression. Then we don't know how to contain the situation. Therefore, they always want ahiṃsā paramo' dharmaḥ. Always remember, ahiṃsā is a very, very important virtue. hiṃsā must be avoided. Only after exhaustion of all peaceful measures, if there is no other way, as Lord kṛṣṇā told Arjuna - tasmād yudhyasva bhārata I [2-18] then alone, we can think of it. Therefore, postpone violent methods. Violence means, even verbal violence. Always postpone.

These are the six principle of tolerance;

1. Dis-empower the world, by removing 'unwelcome' sticker.

2. 'Empower yourselves', by developing faith in yourself and GOD, who is within yourself.

3. Avoid magnification by dwelling on the unwelcome situation. Rather, dwell on solutions. Dwell on principle one or two.

4. Self-restraint - avoidance of impulsive responses.

5. Objectivity and fairness when we judge others, blame others and take action against others.

6. Then the sixth and final one is, always postpone aggressive measures.

And if we follow these six fold principles of tolerance, we will be tough enough to withstand, survive all of them and move on. On this first day of the New year, let us pray to GOD "give us tolerance!" Let us all include these six principles of tolerance in our lives in 2016.